To all the Debbie Downers

To all the Debbie Downers: Yeah, I know the war isn't over. Thanks for the fucking update.

That's not the point. Today is a symbol of victory and revenge against a man who who carved into history a tragedy that defined the past 10 years of our lives, killed innocent civilians, twisted and bastardized Islam to support his evil ends, polarized a nation, and hid just out of reach from our grasp until he was killed in a damn MANSION by silent professionals who may never be able to tell the story that we all want to hear.

Today is a day of joy for all those who lost friends and family, brothers and sisters in arms, and grew up with the images of the attacks burned into their brains.

You can't take this moment away from us.

Sizing up the Competition

So, I am currently competing for a slot on one of the teams at work. Without saying too much, let's just say that this team is really physical. Thanks to the fact that many people do not know how to use BCC on email, I also know that there are 30 other individuals in the running. While that doesn't seem like much, that number is around 3% of individuals who would be eligible to apply. Seems a lot bigger now, huh? I think in personally know 8 or 9 of them.

So what do we have to do at the tryouts? No one really knows. There are no published standards, except for one shooting test, which is standard for our job. All we have is a packing list, a date, and the fact that it will take 36 hours. We were also told that water would be involved.

So you have 30 guys, all doing whatever training method that they can, with no metric to compare themselves to, outside of themselves. Some do Crossfit, Military Athlete, Ladder 25 (just heard about this today, but have no info on it), some do workouts that have been floating around and are designed for trying out for another team, which is harder to get onto. It's insane.

So you may wonder, how many slots are there for this team? I have no idea, but as far as I'm concerned, there is only one slot.

That's really the mentality that I have to go into this thing with. I mean, if there are 5 slots, you can't shoot to be the 5th best. That's just lazy. You want to coast past the others and gain a slot without any worry. You have to want to crush the competition. I'm literally sizing up the status of every other person that I came across. What's their workout, who do they know, what do they know about the workouts of others.

We're all just waiting and wondering.


And working out.

Search Insanity

There are many tasks that have to be conducted in my line of work. One of which is the search warrant. Many times, the warrant is not yours, but you are on a team that has been assigned to do a search.

The feelings that come with the search are directly related to what is being searched for. For example, searching for drugs? That's awesome. You know that for every kilo of coke you find, it's going to be evidence against someone. You KNOW that what you have found (should you actually find something) is definitely useful to the case.

On the other hand, there is the search that will make you gouge your brain out. This is the document search, generally associated with white collar crime. These searches are long and tedious. You show up at an office, and it always has the worst record keeping imaginable. Nothing ever makes complete sense. Also, you have no idea why they keep paper records, but they do.

In the end, you obtain boxes and boxes of documents. I'm talking hundreds of boxes. You literally need trucks to take it all away, and you have to lift those boxes into those trucks. And you know what? You have no idea if any of it will be useful to the case. Actually, you usually feel that most of it won't be. You're also sure that most of it will never be looked at, and if it is, not any time soon. No human being could, in a reasonable amount of time, sort through all of those documents, and find some golden nugget of incriminating evidence.

In between drugs and documents are computers. The thing is, there is a huge amount of information that can be seized from computers, and getting the machines isn't usually as tedious as getting actual documents. You're almost hopeful when you get a computer. You can't actually see that there isn't anything useful there. Also, it takes a lot less lifting to take someone's laptop.
Even better, you know that the information that you get can be searched with various programs, helping you to wade through the data.

Flashback: Inprocessing in Italy

Like I said last time, I would be reposting some of the best stuff from my old blog. I'm going to make this on Monday's (Memory Mondays?). Honestly, the day of the week that this will happen will be based on what say I believe will give the best name (e.g. Time Machine Tuesdays, Wayback Wednesdays, Flashback Fridays). I'm actually trying to figure out which day is the most boring. Ok, I've decided. Once a week, in the middle somewhere, with one of those names (also Time Machine Thursdays).

This was originally posted on November 8, 2004, and was around the time that I arrived at my first duty station in Italy. After 3 years there, I can't say that my perception changed much. However, if you got away from the base, you could partake of some fun stuff.

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Holy crap, I'm tired. And it's only 1355 (that's 1:55 PM for you civilians). The jet lag must be hitting me pretty damn hard. Either that, or it could be because I didn't go to bed until 0130, and then woke up at 0525. Maybe it's because I had that Grande Soft Taco from Taco Bell, and my body doesn't know how to deal with that much food.

Today was pretty interesting. We started it off by having a health and welfare inspection for knives. Apparently a soldier went downtown with a huge knife on him, and there was some kind of incident. So all of the leadership had to go and search all of the rooms for knives, which would then be tagged and stored in out arms room. Can you believe it? Thy're taking knives away from the Infantry. It's funny because my platoon alone is issued 40mm grenade launchers (imagine a machine gun that shoots grenades), 50 caliber machine guns, 7.62 M240B machine guns (7.62 or .308 for you civilians), Squat Automatic Wapons, and enough ammunition to level a small town.

BUT, we can't have knives. I mean you should see the stuff that some soldiers had. There were a couple of tomahawks, switchblades, and my favorite, knives with blades 8 inches and larger. Hell, I heard one guy in Iraq basically carried around a katana on his back.
On a lighter note, today started the first day of official inprocessing. This is a huge part of why I'm sleepy. Some of the classes are interesting. I've learned that in Italy

1. Recycling is part of the law, and the fine is HUGE.
2. Italy is about one-third the size of Florida, yet has a population of 60 million, and it's very packed.
3. The Pope is apparently mad with Northern Italy for having lots of sex for purposes other than procreation.
4. Apparently, this place is the "World capital of fashion", which is supposed to explain why the guys dress like they're gay, and the women refuse to wear anything except pointy shoes with heels (apparently some refuse to wear a pair of tennis shoes).
5. It's not uncommon to see women walking around holding hands, or walking arm in arm. Apparently. the Italians are very physical, and have no idea about what personal space is. Apparently, it's not uncommen to see a father-son combo walking with arms linked, either. This seems to go "hand in hand" with the way that they dress.
6. Italian drivers SUCK. Seriously. Imagine the worse driving you have ever seen. No imagine a whole country drives like that. Welcome to Italy. There are almost no lights for crossing the streets. Pedistrians just eventually cross when the chances of death are minimized.

If there's one thing that I have definately learned at these briefings, it's that if you're married, you have a whole assload of paperword to do. This has led me to a couple of conclusions about a few choices in life:

1. While in Italy, don't get married to someone in the US who will want to come over to Italy and live with you.
2. Don't marry a native Italian woman, because that will only lead to more paperwork.
3. If you are married and your family stays in the US, you can bank off pretty well on the fact that the army will pay you to compensate for rent back in the states where your family is, AND what your housing costs here.

Lastly, I learned not to make a Voltron reference when the Company Commander is talking about Brigade Combat Teams and says "and it's all modular, so you can combine them and they form together," all while making some kind of combining motion with his hands.