To all the Debbie Downers

To all the Debbie Downers: Yeah, I know the war isn't over. Thanks for the fucking update.

That's not the point. Today is a symbol of victory and revenge against a man who who carved into history a tragedy that defined the past 10 years of our lives, killed innocent civilians, twisted and bastardized Islam to support his evil ends, polarized a nation, and hid just out of reach from our grasp until he was killed in a damn MANSION by silent professionals who may never be able to tell the story that we all want to hear.

Today is a day of joy for all those who lost friends and family, brothers and sisters in arms, and grew up with the images of the attacks burned into their brains.

You can't take this moment away from us.

Chewing the fat

Last week, I decided to get my body fat measured via caliper. I decided to do this after I learned that the far reading scales can be off by as much as 5 in the measurement, and can be influenced by how hydrated you are. I also had this grand plan of dropping from 184 lbs down to 172 or so. Basically, that was my pre-Afghanistan weight, and I remember being a faster runner (sub 7-minute miles).

Anyway, my body fat measurement using the Jackson/Pollock 3 caliper method was an 8.2. That puts me in the athletic range. However, this method of measuring also has a deviation of +/- 2%. The essential fat range for men is 2-5%, and I probably want to stay away from that.

So now comes the new question: can I drop muscle mass and retain a high (if not obtain a higher) strength to weight ratio?

Some of you may ask, "Are you sure that your run time is due to your weight?" I'm pretty sure of this (unless I'm getting old, although women in bars tell me I look 24). Back in the Army, I was never much of a "runner". That is, I MAYBE got out one a week, in the spring, and ran. Also, any mandatory runs, and running during summer training.

There's always the thought of going vegan, but I like meat. And don't even try to sell me on those vegan, tofu meat-substitutes that taste like crap. Tofurky? To-fuck yourself.

Sizing up the Competition

So, I am currently competing for a slot on one of the teams at work. Without saying too much, let's just say that this team is really physical. Thanks to the fact that many people do not know how to use BCC on email, I also know that there are 30 other individuals in the running. While that doesn't seem like much, that number is around 3% of individuals who would be eligible to apply. Seems a lot bigger now, huh? I think in personally know 8 or 9 of them.

So what do we have to do at the tryouts? No one really knows. There are no published standards, except for one shooting test, which is standard for our job. All we have is a packing list, a date, and the fact that it will take 36 hours. We were also told that water would be involved.

So you have 30 guys, all doing whatever training method that they can, with no metric to compare themselves to, outside of themselves. Some do Crossfit, Military Athlete, Ladder 25 (just heard about this today, but have no info on it), some do workouts that have been floating around and are designed for trying out for another team, which is harder to get onto. It's insane.

So you may wonder, how many slots are there for this team? I have no idea, but as far as I'm concerned, there is only one slot.

That's really the mentality that I have to go into this thing with. I mean, if there are 5 slots, you can't shoot to be the 5th best. That's just lazy. You want to coast past the others and gain a slot without any worry. You have to want to crush the competition. I'm literally sizing up the status of every other person that I came across. What's their workout, who do they know, what do they know about the workouts of others.

We're all just waiting and wondering.


And working out.

Search Insanity

There are many tasks that have to be conducted in my line of work. One of which is the search warrant. Many times, the warrant is not yours, but you are on a team that has been assigned to do a search.

The feelings that come with the search are directly related to what is being searched for. For example, searching for drugs? That's awesome. You know that for every kilo of coke you find, it's going to be evidence against someone. You KNOW that what you have found (should you actually find something) is definitely useful to the case.

On the other hand, there is the search that will make you gouge your brain out. This is the document search, generally associated with white collar crime. These searches are long and tedious. You show up at an office, and it always has the worst record keeping imaginable. Nothing ever makes complete sense. Also, you have no idea why they keep paper records, but they do.

In the end, you obtain boxes and boxes of documents. I'm talking hundreds of boxes. You literally need trucks to take it all away, and you have to lift those boxes into those trucks. And you know what? You have no idea if any of it will be useful to the case. Actually, you usually feel that most of it won't be. You're also sure that most of it will never be looked at, and if it is, not any time soon. No human being could, in a reasonable amount of time, sort through all of those documents, and find some golden nugget of incriminating evidence.

In between drugs and documents are computers. The thing is, there is a huge amount of information that can be seized from computers, and getting the machines isn't usually as tedious as getting actual documents. You're almost hopeful when you get a computer. You can't actually see that there isn't anything useful there. Also, it takes a lot less lifting to take someone's laptop.
Even better, you know that the information that you get can be searched with various programs, helping you to wade through the data.

Pain Redifined

The other night, during my workout, I had to do some psychological evaluation of my definitions of pain.

Now, there are different types of pain. There's the physical type that is caused by actual damage or stress to body parts. For example, I don't use Nike sneakers, because they cause a huge amount of pain to the bottom of my foot, under the arch. Anyway...

Due to tryouts coming up in May, I have begun ramping up my physical training. What this amounts to is usually 2 workouts a day, plus martial arts training on Monday and Thursday. Physically, I'm not going to die, but I'm feeling something I haven't felt in a long time.

It's probably due to the fact that I am generally in better shape than your average person, outside of the military. When you compare yourself to the people around you, you feel really good, because they are generally out of shape. However, this leads to a level of complacency. I haven't had to push myself like this in a while, so I'm starting to hit those walls that I haven't hit. There is also the matter of learning that I can easily function through that pain, as long as I psychologically identify it for what it is: not the point of failure for my body.

As badly as this training is kicking my ass, it's necessary. I know that this year, the deck is stacked, and I know some of the people trying out. I know I have my work cut out for me.

Wayback Wednesday: Circle concept

This post originally appeared on December 10, 2004. The main idea of the post revolves around how hard it is to take care of things if certain base needs aren't met.


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The circle concept

Imagine a series of concentric circles, each one pertaining to an aspect of your life. There is no limit to how many circles can exist in the example, as the possibilities for what can technically be tied to “you” are limitless. In theory, we could create one that had levels spanning out until you had a circle that stood for the universe. Unfortunately, for our purpose, doing this would be useless, as you cannot see your effect on the entire universe, nor does the universe technically need you.

The innermost circle represents you and everything that you have direct control of. This includes things like what clothing you wear, what you have for lunch, what color sheets you have for your bed, and so forth. The next circle out contains things that you do not have absolute control over, but have some direct effect on. This would include things like your workplace, your girlfriend’s or wife’s life, etc. The circles continue outward from there, and can be as specific or as general as you deem fit. Non-related items can share the same circle if need be, due to their similar level of control or importance. Another method of thinking would be to classify each circle by its effect on you. The inner circle holds what has the most effect on you, such as eating, and the outermost circle could be what has the least effect on you, such as the fact that Pluto’s orbit makes it the eight planet from the sun for part of its cycle.

For every individual, that inner circle is the most important, because what exists in that circle is what you control, and what affects you directly. Imagine that the inner circle can be directly related to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You directly control if and when you eat (most of the time), and not satisfying that need directly affects you in the form of hunger. Effects in this circle will eventually reverberate outward, affecting the other circles. Hunger may cause you to be more easily irritated, causing you to become impatient with your girlfriend. Hunger will lower your productivity and ability to think, or the argument with your girlfriend will lead to you sleeping on the couch, which will move into the next outer circle, causing you to be tired at work, and so forth.

Every individual works to satisfy as much of their inner circle as they can. It would be impossible to satisfy everything in this circle, especially while there are other circles that need attendance. You have a job to do, and that circle steals time away from your innermost circle. However, this does not mean that it has no effect on that circle. If you don't do your job, you will not get paid, and you won't eat. See how easily things come back to that inner circle. So, when you're at your desk pumping out the end of the fiscal year financial reports, you can't deal with what you need to with your inner circle, such cleaning your house.

Every individual will spend a lot of time unknowingly moving between circles, never truly separating the tasks, and grouping them under the catch-all category of “Life.” The job and their personal life are not separate in their mind. It’s just one large series of tasks. Other will begin the categorization of tasks, and separate them depending on importance, and what circle it reside in. When they are at work, their effort is exerted in the “Work” circle, but as soon as work is done, their mind drifts to some circle that is closer to their center. Still, it may not be the most inner circle. Maybe it’s the girlfriend circle, or the house circle. This becomes more complicated depending on the individual, and how they decide to separate their circles, and what they place the most importance on. In the diagram on the right, we have a rather general example. A diagram that would be more specialized may break “Things in your life” into such categories as the house, the girlfriend, the car, and place those depending of what that person feels is more important. Does he love his car or his girlfriend more? If he fails to take care of the car, will that eventually hurt his ability to deal with his girlfriend (placing the car in closer than the girlfriend)? If the car blows up, would that have absolutely no effect on his relationship (allowing the girlfriend to reside on a circle closer to his center than the circle in which his car resides).

Operating In The Gap

Before I get into the entry, you may have noticed a blog title change. I'm still working with what I should call this damn thing. Suggestions welcome. Also, tell your friends to follow this.

Due to under-staffing, combined with an increase in workload, I work for two bosses, at two different offices, and have two desks. On a positive note, I live in between the two offices, so it's not like either has a terrible commute. However, one has underground parking, so I never have to look for a parking spot. The other one has the advantage of having a better gym, not being too far from where I have my PO Box, and being near the gym that I swim at. However, parking sucks balls.

The fact that I have two bosses and two desks that are so far apart creates my ability to operate in the gap. The idea stems off a discussion with another coworker regarding a supervisor that had to do this for a short period. The most important part was the idea that "If you're not here, everyone assumes that you are there, and if you are not there, they assume that you are here." Essentially, it creates an accountability gap that only you can verify. If people don't see you around the office, they already have a reason in their minds. As long as you get all of your work done, no one ever questions you. Lastly, because both sides assume that you are busy, they decrease your workload.

This allows me to do a number of things. First of all is work out mid-day, which is something that I am very excited about. I'm working out twice a day in preparation for tryouts, and the ability to do a heavier workout is necessary.

The second thing is shooting, which something that I am very excited about. Last Friday I went to the shooting range and fired off over half a case of ammunition (about 300 rounds), working on bullseye targets and tightening up my groups. It's work related, so I don't have to feel guilty.

The third is running errands, which something that I am very excited about. In order to make these ok, however, I have to do them in between other pieces of work. These are more like check mail, pick up a part from Home Depot, or write a blog entry.

This does create some dilemmas, though. Occasionally, the stars align and work for both bosses all hit at once. Suddenly, I have a FULL week. I mean 6-7 days of work, and, at one point, a 29-hour day.

Outside of this, I can quietly fill my schedule with the work of my choice, and almost be my own boss. I just also have to not be at my desk a lot.

Anatomy of my day(s) at work

Some of you know what I do for a living, and think it's pretty kick ass. This past week, from Wednesday 10am to Thursday 9pm, I had 3 hours of sleep. For some weird reason, I decided to keep a small log of what was going on from my perspective.

Wednesday 10:00 am - Leave home thinking today is going to be a late day. Don;t expect to get home until 8pm or so. Immediately see that I have a problem with my vehicle.

12:45 pm - Have dealt with all issues surrounding vehicle and now have loaner vehicle.

1:15 pm - Find out that the search warrant is going to be revised, and will take at least 2-3 hours.

3:00 pm - Still waiting for revision. Told to "Stand-by". Decide to go to Pathmark to get ham and shredded Swiss cheese to make Chicken Cordon Bleu later in the week.

4:08 pm - Told to be at the staging area at 5:30. Rush home, put food away and start moving to staging area.

4:48 - Almost at staging location. Told not to go to staging location.


5:25 pm - Donuts and coffee. Gotta keep the cliche alive.

5:44 pm - Two of the guys that were already near the staging area have gone to a diner, and invited anyone else around to join them.

5:56 pm - Told that new staging time would be at 8pm.

6:16 pm - arrive at diner. Hostess immediately sees me and asks if I am looking for two other people. Apparently, we are easy to recognize. See squad mate who has ashes on his head, but has plate of meat in front of him. Ask him if he is Catholic. He is upset because he forgot about the "no meat on Ash Wednesday" thing. Others arrive, make jokes, hope search will be called off.

8:30 pm - Search begins. This is the craziest house I've ever seen. Crazier than the mafia hitman's house.

12:05 am - Boss releases me because of the arrest the next day. Late, I find out that the search continued until 2:30 am.

Thursday, 1:00 am - Arrive at home. Determine that I need to leave my apartment at 4:45am, for a 30 minute drive plus buffer, in order to arrive at the staging area.

Wake up, get dressed, look at watch and think that I'm running late. Jay-Z is playing on radio

4:05 am - Wake up FOR REAL, Jay-Z is still on the radio.

4:10 am - Hit snooze on alarm on phone.

4:15 am - Without turning on lights, reach for a box that has 5-Hour Energy bottles. Drink breakfast. Shower, brush teeth, and get dressed.

4:30 am - Decide that a 5-Hour Energy is probably not the best thing for breakfast. Grab an apple and a Marshmallow Pie and put them in pockets.

4:44 am - Catch glimpse of self in mirror and realize that I have not shaved in 3 days. Shave.

4:46 am - Exit apartment. Realize that I forgot my suit to change into later. Go back.

4:48 am - Exit apartment. Get into car.

4:55 am - There is no traffic ANYWHERE. Exceed speed limit.

5:00 am - Apple wasn't very good.

5:35 am - Arrive at Staging Area.

5:45 am - Briefing. I see that the other guys are drinking coffee and Monster.

5:55 am - Put on body armor. Sit and wait.

6:00 am - leave for location

6:30 am - Target in pocket. Had to get all his medication, glasses, and give him orange juice before we leave.

6:40 am - Target is sleeping.

7:30 am - Arrive for processing. I'm good at fingerprinting

7:40 am - Change into suit. Donuts and coffee.

12:45 pm - First real food. Too spicy.

1:30 pm - Glimmer of hope that this might end at a reasonable time.

1:35 pm - Hope destroyed.

2:00 pm - playing Angry Birds.

2:40 pm - more waiting

2:58 pm - thinking about buying bed sheets from Walmart.

3:00 pm - Judge Kevin M. Fox proceeds to read everything that relates to every charge and case. Somehow, my guy was the first one in, and will be the last one done.

3:04 pm - my eyes stopped focusing. Contemplate taking a nap in the court room.

3:21 pm - Blacking out

15:40 pm - Court just stopped. No idea why. I think the judge is updating his Facebook status: "First she was like 'Guilty,' then she was all like 'Not guilty.' LOL."

4:00 pm - realized that I worked all the hours so far today except the three that I was asleep for.

4:50 pm - Finally, our guys are up. Judge releases 7 of the guys on their own recognizance, because they "don't pose a flight risk." All have tons of money and multiple houses. Gives $50K bail for guy that has been unemployed for months and has health problems. WTF?

5:55 pm to 9:30 pm- Leave court. Go Home. Go to martial arts class. Body decided to not be as tired.

12:05 am - Try to fall asleep.