Flashback: Inprocessing in Italy

Like I said last time, I would be reposting some of the best stuff from my old blog. I'm going to make this on Monday's (Memory Mondays?). Honestly, the day of the week that this will happen will be based on what say I believe will give the best name (e.g. Time Machine Tuesdays, Wayback Wednesdays, Flashback Fridays). I'm actually trying to figure out which day is the most boring. Ok, I've decided. Once a week, in the middle somewhere, with one of those names (also Time Machine Thursdays).

This was originally posted on November 8, 2004, and was around the time that I arrived at my first duty station in Italy. After 3 years there, I can't say that my perception changed much. However, if you got away from the base, you could partake of some fun stuff.

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Holy crap, I'm tired. And it's only 1355 (that's 1:55 PM for you civilians). The jet lag must be hitting me pretty damn hard. Either that, or it could be because I didn't go to bed until 0130, and then woke up at 0525. Maybe it's because I had that Grande Soft Taco from Taco Bell, and my body doesn't know how to deal with that much food.

Today was pretty interesting. We started it off by having a health and welfare inspection for knives. Apparently a soldier went downtown with a huge knife on him, and there was some kind of incident. So all of the leadership had to go and search all of the rooms for knives, which would then be tagged and stored in out arms room. Can you believe it? Thy're taking knives away from the Infantry. It's funny because my platoon alone is issued 40mm grenade launchers (imagine a machine gun that shoots grenades), 50 caliber machine guns, 7.62 M240B machine guns (7.62 or .308 for you civilians), Squat Automatic Wapons, and enough ammunition to level a small town.

BUT, we can't have knives. I mean you should see the stuff that some soldiers had. There were a couple of tomahawks, switchblades, and my favorite, knives with blades 8 inches and larger. Hell, I heard one guy in Iraq basically carried around a katana on his back.
On a lighter note, today started the first day of official inprocessing. This is a huge part of why I'm sleepy. Some of the classes are interesting. I've learned that in Italy

1. Recycling is part of the law, and the fine is HUGE.
2. Italy is about one-third the size of Florida, yet has a population of 60 million, and it's very packed.
3. The Pope is apparently mad with Northern Italy for having lots of sex for purposes other than procreation.
4. Apparently, this place is the "World capital of fashion", which is supposed to explain why the guys dress like they're gay, and the women refuse to wear anything except pointy shoes with heels (apparently some refuse to wear a pair of tennis shoes).
5. It's not uncommon to see women walking around holding hands, or walking arm in arm. Apparently. the Italians are very physical, and have no idea about what personal space is. Apparently, it's not uncommen to see a father-son combo walking with arms linked, either. This seems to go "hand in hand" with the way that they dress.
6. Italian drivers SUCK. Seriously. Imagine the worse driving you have ever seen. No imagine a whole country drives like that. Welcome to Italy. There are almost no lights for crossing the streets. Pedistrians just eventually cross when the chances of death are minimized.

If there's one thing that I have definately learned at these briefings, it's that if you're married, you have a whole assload of paperword to do. This has led me to a couple of conclusions about a few choices in life:

1. While in Italy, don't get married to someone in the US who will want to come over to Italy and live with you.
2. Don't marry a native Italian woman, because that will only lead to more paperwork.
3. If you are married and your family stays in the US, you can bank off pretty well on the fact that the army will pay you to compensate for rent back in the states where your family is, AND what your housing costs here.

Lastly, I learned not to make a Voltron reference when the Company Commander is talking about Brigade Combat Teams and says "and it's all modular, so you can combine them and they form together," all while making some kind of combining motion with his hands.